God doesn't need me.

I was in the middle of worship tonight when I realized that God. Does. Not. Need. Me.

Here’s what happened. In a room full of people, I was singing a sweet little harmony to a song that I’d never heard before.  I was telling myself, as I often do “It’s cool that God’s using my voice to usher other ppl into worship”. Alright. That’s fine.  And then, God hits my heart and catches me bein a bit of a mess.

Was I in true worship? Was I distracted by the people around me? I wasn’t too sure… so I stopped singing (as I often do) and said a little prayer about being in sincere worship.  And as I was silently speaking to God, I heard a room full of CMU students continue on with the song.  My one little voice dropping out did not even put a dent in the amount of praise that was happening in this room.  And then, I heard my same harmony part being belted from somewhere else in the room.  God literally said to me at this moment,  “Your gift is not yours.  I can use whoever I choose to be a servant of mine.  And I will choose someone willing to do what I need done on this Earth. But I have chosen for you to serve me.”

Legit. That cut me deep.  Not only has God charged us with gifts, but most importantly the Truth of HIM.

Snapson.

Okay? So He doesn't need me, yet, He puts up with me... Not only does He put up with me, but He adores me.  He's willing to share with me, on a continual basis this tremendous, Yahweh-sized love that he knows I don't deserve.

And yet we remain selfish.  Get lazy and fail to share our faith.  Hear God’s demands and selfishly ignore them. Get all wrapped up in our own personal wants and sins. Blah. Blah. Blah. And THEN, to top it off, we get all mad at ourselves for not being “good Christians”.  You know that Casting Crowns song [East To West- Casting Crowns], where the guy says, 

“Today I feel like I’m just one mistake from you leaving me this way”?  

Deep line right there. We begin to look at ourselves as unworthy of the love we’re receiving, and sometimes even let the downward spiral begin… We let thoughts of doubt, insecurity, lost hope and worldly contentment leak into our minds.  Satan is just as real as God is… don’t be fooled child.

Ok. Here’s the deal: God saw something happening in my life, and used WORSHIP to teach me about Him. I can safely tell you that what you’re about to read directly applies to my life.

Bottom line. We can’t dwell on who we aren’t or how sinful, stubborn and proud we are.  Because even history has shown that it’s simply not-about-us.

You get stuck in something? And you can’t understand how you’re going to surrender your life over to God?  If you are STRUGGLING and can’t understand why God would give you such a hard decision to make?... a decision that you feel incapable of following through with?

This is the point where its time for you to remember who God is.

Please, let’s not forget that the God who created this universe to each minutest detail, who aligned the planets on their specific axes and orbitals, and who told neurons in the brain how to control our limbs… this is not only the God that loves us, and longs for our main affection, but it happens to be the same God that lives INSIDE of us. Ha. Check that out. And still the minute God asks us to relinquish something in our lives,we find our measly little human selves siting over here, crying about how unsure we are of things,… while God’s got complete control of the situation.

That’s why we can’t focus on ourselves.  We can’t be the ones to help ourselves.  And we know this... Mannn.  Am I wrong to think this is common knowledge? (To those who know, I mean). So why is it that we repeatedly try to help... Ourselves.   Smh. Foolishness. That’s like us declaring to the world as an elementary school Health teacher that drinking a pint of tequila will have you making poor judgment calls, to say the least.  And THEN, one crazy night out with the friends, let’s say you “forget” what you know to be true.  So you drink your pint, maybe pint and a half, of tequila and end up randomly waking up on a park bench in the middle of the Pittsburgh Zoo… street lights out, everything pitch black, wallet and jewelry gone (along with your memory of the past 4 hours). But... your confused?? Really??

You really wanna try and be confused as to how you got to this point?

Ha. No no bud. Uh uh boo boo.

What you need is for someone to remind you of the Truth. 

a.k.a.

"His grace is sufficient for you, for His power is made perfect in your weakness"

When you start getting upset and questioning your abilities to surrender to God, you’re moving down a long road that will most definitely lead to misunderstanding, confusion, pain and frustration. With every thought concerning your inadequacy, you’ve taken yet another shot of tequila.

When you ask yourself, however, whether GOD is adequate enough to surrender you to God… well that changes the entire situation doesn’t it?  It’s a little awkward to twist your mind into thinking that He’s the catalyst for a surrender to Himself.  But really...  Lets stop acting like you have any power to make the good stuff happen.

If you’re going to overcome something in your life, it will be by the grace of God that it happens. Don’t try and act brand new, either.  This has always been the case.  When you accept Christ, you accept Christ’s sacrifice to be the only remedy to your sin infested life, and your savior who connects you to God.

[If you happen to be reading this and haven’t “accepted Christ”, or don’t agree, I’m letting you know that the same goes for you.  God loves us to the point where He’s begging us to let Him do the work to save us. Smh. It’s kinda a big deal]

okay. I just rambled. But I will close with this,

We don’t perform miracles, God does.  We let God perform miracles through us.  Our salvation and holiness/righteousness… these are considered miracles, when you acknowledge the fact that all of mankind could have been left to perish for eternity in the absence of God (Hell, essentially).

I am only now beginning to understand the extent to which my imperfections can manifest themselves in my life.  I’m not saying that I’ve got it all right yet.  In fact, I’m saying quite the opposite.  I’m declaring to you, blog world, that I am a hott wretched mess. But it’s a good thing that God remains the same.

Think of this blog post as a sharing of revelation for you all, yeah… but also as a prayer request in disguise… a prayer request for me (and for the rest of you) to focus on and rely completely on my God.  I want to understand that Proverbs 3:5 [proverbs 3:5-6] applies, consistently.

That is all.

Signed.

BeautflFeet